Saturday, February 19, 2011
If only I could dump all my fear, my worry, my insecurity and my uncertainty into a trashbag and throw it into the Atlantic Ocean.
But I guess its impossible.
Why am I beginning to feel more and more inferior?
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CO and Guzheng camp was a blast.
My team's people were super nice, not at all like uberbitches in class.
We clicked instantly, all six of us, once we got to know each other's names.
And that night in classroom 4-30,
We danced to dynamite and camwhored - act cute, act sexy, act slutty, etcetc.
That was really once I could just be myself and not have to worry about it. :)
But now its back to reality.
These days, I can feel my confidence level dropping to a near zero.
All I can feel is I'm not good enough for anyone.
And cuz of that, I've decided.
From monday onwards, I'm not gonna try to fit in anymore.
I don't mind being a loner, I don't mind being an outcast.
I'll just live my life.
For one thing I'll be sure of, though.
I will practise to the best of my ability during co.
I will make sure I get that sheng part correct, regardless of the oh-so-often diaphragm aches, or exhaustion.
NYJCCO will get GwH.
It'll win (unnamed)CO.
Its a promise to myself.
And meanwhile, I'll continue learning cool songs from my cool zys partner.
Sometimes, life's a bitch.
But that doesn't mean I can bitch back.
meowed at//
2/19/2011
